Thursday, February the 5th, 2009

Thursday, February the 5th, 2009
Feelings are nummay.

Starting song of the day:

Ending song of the day:

Todo: (This will be changed, edited, added, removed, so on, throughout the day)
Shower. Jeezus. I need to shower. []
30 minute meditation. []
More coding. [Done]
Continue my non-vacation vacation [Done]
Rewrite landowners and employers guide for my show []
Depending on temp, going out walking. [N/A] : Okay yeah, no, fuck that. It's 42F at it's HIGH today. Which amounts to 5C.

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4:48AM

Went to sleep last night at 10:30PM.

Holy shit. If this is what happens after going to sleep one and a half early, remind me not to fuck with my sleep schedule. It's hard enough staying in a circadian rhythm taking massive amounts of pillage.

Woke up at 2AM to get a drink. Mouth was fucking dry as hell. I stayed up for all of about five minutes. I saw mommy on, but I got this really intense feeling, I don't know how to explain it, that she didn't want to talk. So I left her alone. In hindsight of reading her blog, I'm not sure this is a good, or a bad thing.

Woke up at 4:30AM. Mouth was dry as hell. Couldn't get back to sleep. Did my basic round of stuff, got something to drink, looked at second life, looked for anyone I cared enough for to start a pre-wake conversation. So, here I am. Day two. Let's see what fun happens today.

Mouth still is dry as hell. Even after plunging what amounts to three cups of liquids. And I'm out of apple juice, leaving only pop. Ugh.

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Caution: Egotistical Narcissistic Rant Ahead: Feel Free To Skip

Okay. So, I consider myself intelligent. Now, because I am egotistical and narcissistic, I consider myself highly intelligent. Often liking myself to the higher echelons in society, pertaining to pure intelligence. Now, of course, in reality.

I'm not overly intelligent, nor am I the best thinking machine in the world (which I purely reserve for my computer). I am content with just bettering myself everyday, becoming more intelligent, knowledgeable, and wiser than the previous day. That said, many people have this preconception that, because of what I do, or because I'm fluent at what I do, that I must be incredibly intelligent. Which has obviously inflated my ego some.

But in a purely objectionable format. I am simply 'above average', when it consists of the standard earth adult.

So, this rant is concerned with others. How I perceive their intelligence, which is again, influenced by my perceptions caused by my ego. Now, very rarely, will I ever consider someone coming close to, or matching, and almost never, exceeding my own intelligence. But, there are people I have acknowledged as being intelligent, or coming close to myself.

I've found one thing is universal among them. They're all egotistical pricks. (See a theme here yet?) In addition, I don't get along with any of them. Unlike many founders of high-IQ societies believe, Intelligence is NOT key to communication. I've found that most intelligent people are too stuck up their own ass, to actually do anything concerning anyone else. A waste of space? Yes. Am I different? I try to be, although sometimes I don't think I'm doing such a good job.

And, while I don't let this influence my communication at all, I find it, unappetizing, to lower my intellectual thought, so that others can understand me. It makes me feel all uneasy inside, although I've grown much to the feeling.

So, that presents the problem. The meaning of this. Who can I talk to without feeling bad? I can't talk to those that I deem intellectual, because of their very nature of being extremely into themselves, and their research. I can't talk to those that I deem lesser, because I'm afraid that what I say may go over their heads, or that even if they do understand it, not to the same degree that I want them to, or emphasis, or whatever. It makes for a lonely life, when I feel that anyone I talk to, I have to hide parts of myself.

So I'm talking to myself. My present self. My future self. And if I ever invent a time machine with time-connected internet and laptop, my past self. No one is as suited for my intelligence, knowledge, and wisdom, as I am. This is another reason as to why my journal exists.

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6AM

My tummy is full of various liquids such as water, applejuice, and mountain dew.

Nummy.

Taking my pills now, which means I've functioned nearly two hours, at a high intellectual capacity, without pills. Holy shit that's not going to last long.

Pill poppers unite!

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8ish AM
Will: You're freaking out.
Will: Oh my god, you're freaking out.
Will: When I was younger, I used to call that spastic.
Me: We just call it Hyperactive now.

Yeah. I had like a super energy boost, that coincidentally coincided with Will waking up, so as he woke up, I was dancing and spinning all about the floor to the music. It was awesome.

Yup.

I'm awesome.

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10:29 AM

This next rant, is going to have lots of fucking. And I don't mean the sexually provocative act either.

Melody Grace's Guide on how to be a fucking Adult.

One.
If you don't get something you want. Don't cry about it. Keep fucking trying.
As children, we're often taught, that, if you whine about something long enough, someone older and wiser will come to fix it. If you whine about not having candy, or not getting your toy long enough, your mom will come and buy it.

This is bullshit. If you're going to act like that, then you will be treated as a child. Now, some people, want to be treated like a child. That's fine. I love being a child. I love when people treat me like a child. And I do this ALL the time. But if you want to be taken as a respectable adult, do not whine and cry and bitch and moan about things you don't get, but think you deserve.

Two.
Don't compare yourself to other people. Just don't. It doesn't matter whether they're more accomplished or less accomplished, it will always create a false sense of personal achievement. Either you feel that you haven't done enough, or that you've done more than others. It's not right. Now admittedly, sometimes it is healthy to compare yourself to other, but most of the time, it's not.

Again, really, this is how a child acts when they're growing up. They see other children, some lesser, some better, and this is how they learn to rank themselves in their respective society. But as an adult, it's silly. Really.

Three.
Don't give up. If you're trying to do something, don't give up because you fucking failed one, or fucking failed twice, or even fucking failed a thousand fucking times. If you fail at something, it means next time, you try harder. Eventually, if you keep trying harder than the previous time, you will get something right. Or you will die trying. But don't give up just because 'I can't do it', or even because of other factors like 'they won't let me'.

Four.
Don't base your happiness on external factors. It doesn't matter how much money you have, how many items you have, or don't have. How many close friends, or general friends, or anything else. If you base your happiness on external factors, you will get fucked eventually. This is about the hardest one to pull off. Even I, GREAT KALA MASTAH, cannot pull it off, and about half of my happiness derives from external factors concerning materialism and so on.

Five.
Deal with your fucking emotions. First off, don't place your emotions onto other people. I don't care if you've had a bad fucking day, don't come home and yell at people just because your day sucked. Likewise with sadness or depression. If someone is having a good day, don't actively try to bring them down just because your day is bad.

Second off, don't fucking hold your emotions in, eventually you're going to fucking explode and hurt lots of people around you.

Third off, find WAYS to release your emotions without inflicting them on others. If you're a programmer, make something and release your anger and sadness. If you're an artist, fucking make a masterfuckingpiece using your anger or sadness as an energy source. Ya know, don't just sit there and take it out on everyone around you.

Six.

Make goals for yourself. Make them in a timely fashion. Sort them into importance and time you think you can get them done. DO THEM. Fuck, do them. There is no reason you should ever not complete a goal. If it's important to you, you will do everything in your power to get it done. If you want a new computer, but don't have the money, you will save up, or get a second job. If you want a relationship, FIND one, they're all over the place.

Seven. (addendum to six)

Don't complain, bitch, whine, moan, groan, grunt, or otherwise. There are times when it's acceptable to complain, such as when something is outside your power to shape and change the world. For example, a natural disaster, or a family member dieing. But there are times when it's NOT acceptable to complain, such as when something IS inside your power, and you refuse to do it. Such as getting a job, or traveling or whatever.

Eight.

Find your safefun balance. Safety, and Fun, are almost always mutually exclusive, and inversely proportioned. The more safe you are, such as hiding in your home, usually, the less fun you're going to have. Likewise, the less safe you are, such as skydiving, usually, the more fun you're going to have. Now, it's stupid to be at the extreme of either of these, because one means you're never having fun, and the other means you're unecessarily risking your life. So find your balance.

Nine.

Love your friends and neighbors. Don't do anything that could jeapordize them, or their happiness, and actively try to help them in any way you can. Remember those times when you needed help, and no one was around? Everyone goes through those times. Be the person that's there, when someone else needs help. Even if you get hurt, or burned because of it, you will almost always feel better about yourself, or the day.

Ten.

Have fun.

If you're not having fun, you probably shouldn't be living.

Now, this guide is designed to teach you how to be an adult in MY eyes. Not societies, or anyone elses. Furthermore, you don't have to be an adult, you can be a child too, if you want to be treated as one. I LOVE being a child, I LOVE being treated like a child, and I will stay a child until I decide I can grow up. This guide is for those who aren't sure of how adults should be.
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11:30AM

I'm about to eat breakfast or lunch. Only because my tummy is having 'You've changed. I don't even know you anymore. You never feed me. What happened? Was it something I did? It was wasn't it? I'll change! I promise' pains.

So Pizza. Pepperoni Pizza, admittedly from a different place than yesterday (which was papa johns, this place is called Rocko's New York Pizza. It's not noticeably better, but a change of pace.

INTO THE OVEN!

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3:50PM

Formication again. Ugh. Also, very hot. Hot flash maybe. Opening the doors.

four minutes later....

Fell down again. The recent fainting, that is, today and the past few days, only seem to be muscle weakening. They don't have the dizziness and headache, as well as blindness, that I've had previously. Also, they only seem to affect me on a down cycle, when I feel depressed and tired.
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4:25PM

If I keep going at this freakishly high rate, eventually I'm just going to run out of shit to say. Maybe. Will definately make future posts, like a year from now, easier to read and far more concise.

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6:44PM

Programmed a slot randomizer chance finder. That is, given certain assumptions, it will tell you how many times you need to pull a lever on a slot machine, to get jackpot.

Programmed a basic time dilation utility.

Working on programming a droid that will help me out.
Also: I gotta go to the bathroom. Both pee and poo. And Will is in there taking a bath.

Woe is me.
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7:57PM

Me: Although the Surgeon General recommends against playing WoW
Will: Why, cause I'll go blind?
Me: Yes, you will masturbate and go blind.

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11:47PM

taking meds, heading to bed.

Still didn't get my shower. Damnit. Goodnight.

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