Friday, April the 24th, 2009

Do days get worse than this? I think not!

Starting song of the day:

Ending song of the day:


Goals for today: None, today is going to be a lazy ass day of moping and crying.

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4:40PM

I had someone I love dearly who lied to me today. It wasn't even important either. But she said she lied because she didn't want people to assume the worst. I think what hurts more than she lied was that, she couldn't even trust me to not assume the worst.

I can't be trusted?

Gah.

One bad thing about lying to me, is all it takes is one lie, and you throw everything you've ever said to me in check.

Does she really love me?
Does she really care about me?
Is this all just a sick joke?

I talked to aunty about it, and aunty said that maybe the person that lied to me meant to protect me, that sometimes people lie to protect the ones they care about. She said though, that when they lie to protect someone, they almost always hurt that someone more.

And, I was hurt, really badly.

So, the person that lied to me....

I think she still loves me, and cares about me, and just wanted to protect me or someone else....
But god, it still hurts.

....

I cut myself. I told someone I cut myself for a specific reason, and I don't think I did. I think I was just angry and in pain and wanted to do something. I want to forgive her and I think, after I cut myself, I think I did forgive her. I love her lots, and, I still hurt lots from it. But I think I can move on after this and still trust her.

It bled a lot. By the time it stopped bleeding, I had both my legs, hands, and a couple rags drenched in blood. Afterwards, I got all happy and giggly, aunty said it was probably blood loss. I'd have to agree.

But it's healing quickly, so that's good.

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Yay...Short edits...4:55PM

I'll probably update this journal more now, since I have nothing else to do all day.

I seem to remember I was more happy when I was writing it, so hopefully this will cheer me up.