Boredom Sept 14th

You know what happens when I'm loaded on caffiene and completely bored out of my mind? WRITING! WOOH!

Or artistry! WOOH!

or anything! WOOH

Random thoughts of randomness.

Will created a reporter character on Champions Online. For those not in the know, Champions Online has various social media things inside it, allowing one to post twitter posts and whatnot from inside the game. So Will made a roleplay reporter, and is going to post news stories to it. Like how Champion X defeated Villain Y. It should be good. Links later on. He also made a really good pencil set in Second Life. I didn't give him enough props for that, but it was really good.

I started to keep track of all of our money spendage for a month or two, maybe longer if it works well. That way I can go in my very noncommanding voice 'Hey, we're eating out too much', 'Hey, you're ordering out too much' and so on.

I should make an easy goal program I can check off every time I do something.

Take bath, check, brush teeth, check, start pointless arguement about nothing, check. So on.

I started another story, that I haven't finished yet. I'll see if I can finish it tonight/this morning. If so, I'll post it to the end of this blog.

On September 18th, Majesty 2 comes out. Can't wait for that.

Massive amounts of Lubriderm make my skin oily.

I ran out of some of my hormones today, will need to stock up after will comes home from work in 18 or so hours. I might try calling in. We'll see. The horrible puke inducing cough is gone, but now the flem cough is back. To be honest, I much prefer the flem cough, much less backtracking on the food intake.

On my death-trip to utah, I lost several very important pieces of clothing, including my bras and my favorite skirt. It makes me sad. I'll have to replace them.

I told myself for a month that I wouldn't ask for anything from anyone. Including items or help. If they offer it, I'll think about accepting as I always would, but I won't specifically ask for it. I want to see how my obtainage of stuff changes. Mostly an experiment. If I stop asking for stuff, will I obtain more, or less? My thoughts tell me less. Because those around me, won't know I want something.

Recently, I've questioned Wills observancy. He notices some things, but other things just pass right by him. It bugs me, for reasons of the last paragraph. For example, I'll be looking at something, and even though it's obvious I envy it, unless I ask him, or say 'look', he'll just ignore it. Like he doesn't even see me looking. Maybe I'm asking for too much, but I expect him to be more observant. Maybe I'm not observant either.

We were at dragoncon recently, and I found the most peculiar thing. I had known about this for a while, but it didn't strike me consciously till now.

I hate being told 'No', or 'You can't do that', or things similar to that. It drives me crazy. Time for horrible childhood story. Which can be stated simply like this. If I did something bad, I was punished for it. But the punishment never fit. It was exaggerrated. And if I did something good, it was never enough.

For example, if I didn't clean my room autonomously, I was grounded for a week. But if I did clean my room, I never got praised for it. No one ever came and said 'You did a good job'. So, for doing good things, I got less attention (and less grounding mind you) than for doing bad things. And since I was already mostly ignored, I craved that attention. Now compound this.

Anytime I ever wanted to do something, or asked for something. I was told 'No', or 'You can't do that'. I remember when I was six, I got my first bicycle. And I spent maybe four hours learning to ride it, over and over again. Bloody knees, elbows, scraped face. Finally, I learned to ride. I was so happy. Then the birth-females boyfriend came to me, and told me I couldn't ride outside the yard.

Wait...

What?

The yard was maybe 15 feet long. I couldn't ride the bicycle for more than two seconds in any direction.

Here, I just spent what felt like a massive amount of time to a little kid, learning a skill I never knew. I wasn't praised for it, didn't get a pat on the back, or anything. And then straight after, I'm told I can't even use it? So I waited for him to go inside. I opened the gate, and rode my bike around several blocks. It was the first time, I think, that I consciously rebelled.

At age 6. Of course, I know the reason why he told me that. Now. But I didn't know back then. And he didn't explain. He just said 'You can't do that'. That drove me crazy. The next ten years were just like that. I learned that everytime someone told me 'No', or that I can't do that, that I had to prove them wrong. And I did. Everytime. Now as an adult(-ish), I have to temper that. But it's hard.

Back to the point. At Dragoncon, there would be various things I wanted to do, or tried doing. And Will would say 'Sweety, you can't do that.' or 'What are you doing? You can't go in there.' or even 'No, you can't have that.' Everytime, I tried being reasonable, and accepting it. But he kept doing it, and eventually, I blew up. I didn't even want to be around him, because it seemed like anything I tried doing, no matter the saneness or logicality, he would try to refuse me.

This still bugs me now, almost a week after dragoncon. Beyond that, I loved dragoncon tons. Saw some really cool panels, even two with my favorite voice actor. Vic Mignogna. As well, I saw Rocky Horror, which was alright. And just a bunch of cool things. Tho', having to climb down 26 flights of stairs with a 20-3o pound luggage was not cool. Not cool at all.

On the same vein. More than being told 'No', or that I can't do something, I hate rules without reasons. The worst thing most people can say to me, or said to me, was/is 'Because I say so'.

Example:

'My friends are playing outside. Can I go play outside?'

'No'

'Why not?'

'Because I said so'

Gah.

When I was in utah, I stayed at different places. And at one place I stayed, I put my feet on the coffeetable. The lady I was staying with, not that I liked her very much, told me to not put my feet on the coffeetable. So I moved them. Minutes later, I put them back. Several times she told me, and it went through one ear and out the other. She hadn't given me a good reason for the rule, so to me, the rule didn't exist. One time, she said 'Okay look, the legs on the coffee table aren't that good, and I don't want them to break with the extra weight, plus everything that's already on it'.

After just telling me that, for the remainder of the trip, even though she was crazy mean. I did not once again put my legs on the coffeetable.

Rules without reasons are worthless. But if you give me a good logical reason I can understand. Then I will accept them, and in some wild cases, even follow them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Life of SecondLife

So, here is my story of secondlife. It's my memories of what I recall throughout my avatars life in Second Life. I'm thinking about it, so might as well write it.

A long long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away. There was a bored little girl.

She was searching the interwebs, when she came across a game called Second Life. The screenshots were pathetically ugly, and it was not very interesting at all. But she came across one video. It was a person building and texturing a cabin in real time. Now, this girl, who was me, was very interested in 3d modelling at the time. And this turned me on. Then I found out it was collaborative, and you could work with other people in real time.

So I researched it some, and found out you could script anything you made, and make anything you wanted. Weapons, Vehicles, so on. So I'm like sweet. I went to sign up, but it was 18+. And I was not. They had also turned off access, which made me sad. So I registered (at the time, using a cell phone and having them txt you the code, was a valid way to register) and joined the Irc channel. I talked and talked, and about a day or two later, access was given. WOOOH.

I joined. I went through the tutorial zone, and went to the greeter area. I asked anyone if they knew how to build and script, but they were all clueless. A greeter, greeted me, and friended me. Took me various places, including a mostly naked vampire sim. She was, weird. I repeatedly asked her how to build, but she didn't know. Finally, she sent me to one of her friends. Someone with (don't remember the first name) Sojourner.

She had a cancer, or MSD, or something. I don't remember what. She was raising money to have her own sim and help people with similiar problems. Anyways, she had a little area and taught me, as well as one other person, how to build. The first thing we built? An icecream cone with icecream in it. As a point of note, anytime I ever taught anyone how to build afterwards, I taught them the same icecream building.

Afterwords, she showed us her little sandbox, and told us to go for it. So we built and built. I met a guy named enno, or something like that. I only remember the E. He was a very talented builder, and mostly made avatars. A yoda was the one I most fondly remember. Another note, later on, years later, I met him again, and, well, he wasn't very nice.

I also met a mech-avatar maker. Giant mechas and so on. I asked him to teach me to script, so he sent me to the lsl wiki and told me to read it. I spent hours there. I read the entire thing. Every command, every usage, everything. Every so often, I'd ask him a question about a command or usage and he'd answer.

I remember the first thing I wanted to make was a parachute. So I asked him if Buoyancy would work, and he was suprised. He said 'you know, most people instantly assume buoyancy is only for water stuff, but you caught on quick'. So he helped me make the parachute. After learning the vehicle commands were pretty much useless, and vehicles were useless. I browsed the wiki some more, and refound something called Particles. I asked him about it, and he showed me to the barely created Jopsys lab.

I saw what the particles were, and saw the basic script for one Jopsy had made. I was delighted. So I went back to the sandbox of Sojourner, and started making and showing different particles to people. Then I had an idea. 'What if I randomized all these variables?'. So I looked up the randomize command. Unintuitively, it wasn't 'llrandomize' or 'llrand', but rather 'llfrand'. Anyways, I randomized the particles and set it to a five second timer or so.

I watched, for hours. Then someone came near me. He watched just that one emitter, with me, for hours. So I copied it, and placed ten down. Then twenty. Then more and more people came to watch. That was when I knew I had something special. So I built a sky box, we went up there and we would just watch (and listen to music). Every so often, we'd see a really good one and we would type 'oooh' or 'ahh' or 'did you see that?'. So I kept making particles, more and more and more. This was all the first day I was in secondlife.

After a while, I started exploring, and found something called the Obscure Sandbox. It was much bigger than the sojourner sandbox. So I made new stuff. Skipping about a year, and two new accounts later. I came back to the Obscure Sandbox, with an account known as Kala Pixie. June 06 I believe. I started making particles again, and someone sent me a personal request. So I started making it and realized that, this was unintuitive. Editing the object, then the script, making a small change and waiting.

So I told the person to hold on, that I'm going to try making a particle that can change when you type. They called me crazy. Told me I couldn't do it. It wasn't possible. Even if it was, it'd lag the sim. So I went off to the side of the obscure sandbox, it was this little shop area. I spent six hours making it. During that time, a person came in called Farley. He spent time with me, and to this day, is still a good friend. He was the very first person to ever recieve a 'UPG'. (Uber Particle Generator). Then I made a table. That could fly up and down, spawn platforms, and spin around. The 'TOD' or Table of Doom. He also bought one of these.

Shortly afterwords. I started putting on particle shows to classic seventies music. The rest is history. By the by, this wasn't the story I was talking about earlier in the post. That comes later.

On a side note, the particle shows I did, met me an interesting individual. Nexus Burbclave. Who later became my boyfriend, and now, might as well be my spouse. This September, we will have been together three years. He has done more for me, than anyone ever should. And even if sometimes it's hard for me to express it, I am deeply grateful for him being in my life. I appreciate and love Will so very much.